Crazy Sexy Me? The January Cleanse.

by Elisabeth

In the spirit of trying new things, I’ve decided to do a cleanse for January. Since I’ve done the Master Cleanser a couple of times, and it’s no fun, I thought I would try the Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr. Despite the fact that her mouth is open in most of the pictures of her on the website for some strange reason, the cleanse seems sound to me. There are no crazy products to buy and it’s based on whole foods.While I am not a doctor, nutritionist, or naturopath, I still maintain an arrogant confidence that I know what’s what.

If I’m honest enough about it- I do have some personal conflict when it comes to DIETS and EXERCISE. I’m a big girl. Food has been a lifelong punishment or reward. Exercise has been something I’ve forced upon myself to the point of exhaustion. So this cleanse feels a little more mentally healthy for me than the Master Cleanser, which allows only a concoction of dark maple syrup, lemon, water, and cayenne for nourishment (but you can easily get 1500-2000 calories in this manner.) Kris Carr’s plan involves a vegan, wholefood, gluten free diet.

I had a few hold-ups. I kind of think a Vegan diet is unsustainable anywhere but the tropics. It was -40 with windchill in Montreal this week, and the plant based offerings locally are pretty much kale, cabbage, onions, and apples. No way would I be able to do this without imports like lemon, avocado, quinoa, or rice. Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE animals, but you’d be hard-pressed to convince me that importing food from Argentina, Mexico, and Chile is in the animal’s (or their habitat’s) best interest. You’d also be hard-pressed to convince me that some white, big-city vegan has more of a connection with animals than Inuit or First Nations hunters- who’s diets typically consist of lots of meat. But I digress. Vegan eating does seem healthy, especially keeping in the spirit of Eat to Live, the China Study, and rising mercury levels.

An other thing that bugged me was that this cleanse involves juicing. I kind of hated the whole juicing craze- mostly because it seems so wasteful, partially because it was a craze in the first place. Also the high-sugar shot seemed counter intuitive to all the glycemic index recommendations. In the context of Crazy Sexy, however, juice is used as a phytonutrient shot to complement all the fibrous veggies you will eat and it’s focus is green veggies, not fruit.

Finally, The Crazy Sexy Diet recommends a colonic, which is more crazy than sexy, in my opinion. I thought, now here’s something that I’ve never tried. Anyone I’ve met who’s had one, swears by them but I know they are controversial. The thing is, you never know unless you try. Depending on how it goes, maybe I’ll write about that too.

Here’s the thing, I am already a pescetarian (a person who eats no meat or foul, but will eat fish, eggs, and dairy.) So I should have a healthy diet already. But I indulge in white bread, tuna, brie, gouda, mayo, and samosas far too often. I am a wine-enthusiast to say the least, and I’m pretty sure my liver could use a break. I convinced my best friend to also embark on this Crazy Sexy adventure too.

He’s reading Crazy Sexy Diet, which he remarked was very much aimed at women, which is true. Kris Carr’s writing style, which is sprinkled with a lot of enthusiasm and “girly” metaphors could turn some people off. I tried to get through it anyway, as she is living with a rare form of cancer and developed this way of eating to stop its development. She has cred. Let’s face it, if there’s something I can learn about avoiding cancer now, it’s in my best interest, even if the book reads a little like Cosmo. But I do wonder why it seems to be solely aimed at women. Then again, the Paleo Diet seems to be very much aimed at CrossFit. I guess diets/cleanses are cultural.

Unless I have some health epiphany, come February I will likely be returning to wine, cheese, and gluten. Ideally, these will be the exception and not the rule. I like these little challenges because they teach you new recipes, new habits. I feel pretty fortunate to be in a place where I love my body enough to give it some serious love. And love in more flavors than lemonade for 10 days straight.